sentimental fool

This morning I heard James Ingram's There's No Easy Way (To Break Somebody's Heart) or something like that. Everytime I hear that song, I'm either crying or quite close to tears. Now I'm no sappy person (oh, really?!) but that song REALLY affects me. I don't even think I like it. It's the lyrics. Damn words.

My mom is a HUGE James Ingram fan. It's in her car. She plays it ALL THE TIME. Morning, noon, night - I can't get away from it. It's like that time she played The Carpenters over and over again. Buti nalang the Pajero got stolen. Hehehe. >:) But anyway, I must've heard the damn song a gazillion times and it only really started to affect me recently. Well, maybe since 2000. You know why? Because the girl in the song is me. :)

It started with Puffy... and continued on with Ed Bighead. I hate having my exes see me cry. So I shut up and look away. Wala lang... That stupid song just kills me. Oh, but don't get me wrong. I LOVE my exes. Seriously. In fact... here's a little tidbit from a reflection I wrote about 2 weeks ago. Tidbit lang, ha.

I believe that when you love a person, there is no going back. You can never un-love a person once you have decided to love him or her. Which is why these are very “dangerous” words to utter. I truly believe that LOVE IS A DECISION. Something you choose to bestow on a person you deem worthy of your love. Everything else after that, whether or not you say you hate that person after, even wishing them ill or dead, is just an offspring of love gone awry. Hate is love unreciprocated. But isn’t one of the “conditions” of loving that of it not expecting anything in return?

One of my exes recently asked me, “Why are you so fond of me? Why are you still my friend after everything I’ve done to you?” I think now I know the answer to that. “Because I love you, Ed Bighead, and nothing you can ever do will change that fact.” I love you without expecting anything in return, which is why it doesn’t hurt me when you do those awful things. I never expected you to be nice to me anyway. I never expected you to feel gratitude towards me. I never expected you to love me back. I love you because I love you, and that’s just that. Not romantic, not with malice. Love is innocence in its purest form.

I love my exes, and I always will. They have shaped my being and taught me things neither book nor scientific study will ever teach me. They altered the course of my life, and I believe loving them was not without a purpose. Whether it is to prepare me for a greater love or to expand my capacity to love, they came into my life because God willed them to.

Stupid song.